Stephen Colbert's Ear

Hello earthlings, it's me Jim Tressel, Coach Jim Tressel. Just here to share some wisdom and rhymes with all my little b(f)ucknuts. Did you know that my dick is so big that my dick has it's own dick and it's dick is bigger than yours? My dick is so big it doesn't even return Spielberg's calls. There's a new movie coming out this fall called Godzilla vs. My Dick. One time I fucked a car wash and I gave it stretch marks. I pay my dick rent. Shucks, my urologist keeps a ladder in his office. My dick is so big that when I make it angry, it rips it's shirt off, turns green and it beats me. Sit back & buckle up and while I drop some sugary, rhymic treasures upon your common, simple, suburban lives. Don't hate the players or the game, just hate youself if your strategy's lame. My shit's tight like Mary Kate and Ashley circa. 1987 tonight. Feel the the flow, sniff some blow and let me roll.



i bust big scarlet & grey nuts
on dirty, slutty co-eds butts
i'll break your weak-ass leg
like i'm breakin' an egg
scamble your punk-ass face
while i rock this stinkin' place
yo mamma's got a crocked titty
like stephen colbert's ear
so make me a sammich
and get me a beer
i come correct - right
that's why my shit's tight
you didn't know your girl cries
when i lick her tender thighs
punks scatter to the walls
they know i came to break balls
you're on your broke-ass knees
while i'm countin' my cheese
cuz it's a breeze
i uses to nail condoleez-a
your girls a nasty dog
she's got ticks and fleas-a
let the haters keep their hate
couldn't lick my plate
booster money keeps my boys
from going upstate
coach jimmy t. is up in this hizzy
laddies get undrizzy
laddies get bizzy
then they get outzy
cuz jimmy's got cloutzy
sit on it - spin around
shut your mouth
after i punch the clown
don't let the door hit ya
where jimmy just bit ya
peace.