Saturday, December 23, 2006

Season's Beatings

Merry Christlombus, Tresselnation. It's me Tressel, Coach Jimmy Tressel. Hey jerks - I know it's been a while since I've posted, but your beloved, well hung, favorite coach has been busy as a bee lately, so suck it. I just finished wrapping presents and making Christmas cookies with Mrs. T. Well actually I made her get buck naked, wrap the presents with her tits and then I slathered frosting all over her ass - bent her over the kitchen counter and went to town - rodeo style. This time of year really brings out the best in people. Just the other day I was getting high with that picklewipe Krenzel and I packed him a bowl full of potpourri and I decided to tell him mid inhale. Now don't go saying that the coach is getting soft, he puked for a good twenty minutes straight it was comic gold.

What did the blind, dumb and deaf kid get for Christmas?


Oh! Big news kids. I've kept this on the low low for months. I just got off the horn with the kids over at Rockstar Games and Grand (Fuckin') Theft Columbus is a GO! This is going to be the most skull smashing, brain splattering, violent video game ever. It stars your sweetassed coach and a whole cast of your favorite Buckeyes. Basically the storyline is that me and Maurice fight and blast our way through a post apocalyptic Columbus, Ohio. The ohio state locker room saves me and the team from a deadly, nuclear blast. We smash zombies heads in, party with hot chicks, stab hookers and eventually go on a killing spree straight through Michigan, like Sherman's march to the sea, but with hot chicks wanting to blow us the whole time. We gain mutant powers, get sweet weapons, and bang hot chicks. Well I don't want to say too much and wreck it. They sent me some rough screen shots so I'll give you a little taste.

That's all for now kids. I've got work to do. I've got to go and jingle my bells against Mrs. T's sleigh. Have a great holiday and remember to keep it wet. Also remember to burn the bridges behind you to light the path ahead.

Why do Squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.