Thursday, September 22, 2005

House Guests

Let me first start of by saying, I'm drunk.

Seems like we got some visitors to the Cassa de Tressel. My wife agreed to host some hurricane refugees. Now I'm all about giving back to the community, I go and visit sick kids in the hospital, I try to recycle, and when the Sunami happened I added a twenty dollar donation to my daily caramel machiato at Starbucks, but my home is my castle, not a freakin refugee camp. The other day I go to make a peanut butter sandwich, and this guy Louie, who lost his house or his family, I can't remember which, maybe both, he ate my peanut butter. What a selfish prick. Then the other day, I'm on my way home from work, and let me tell ya, I got a dump on deck that could sink a battleship. I'm tellin ya, this thing could'a held the levee, that's how big it is, a real bowl-stainer. All I want to do is take my newspaper, sit on the can, and unleash hell, but this (pardon my french) cunt, is already in my bathroom, dropping her sandbag in Lake Ponchatrain, so to speak. And yeah, I'm a patient man, but she took for fucking ever. And then, I finally get in there, and it stinks...bad. I mean the fucking paint is pealing off the walls. Let's get FEMA in there for chrissakes. Nobody stinks up my bathroom but me. That's Cassa de Tressel Rule Numero Uno. I wound up having to break into my neighbor's house and use his shitter, and man, it was doosey.

I mean, I feel bad for these people, but you gotta understand, I have a routine. Take for instance, my evening routine. At about 7 pm, I get home from work. I take a dump, eat dinner, watch The Price is Right, which my wife is supposed to tape, then I play some internet poker, and then usually I go to bed. Well now all of that is out of whack. I already told you about the bathroom. My wife is too busy, to cook, and the stupid refugees are home watching TV all day, so of course it screws up the VCR. God, quit moping and get a freaking job. I mean when they're not watching my TV, they're on Craig's List, god knows why, hopefully looking for jobs, so I don't even get to play Internet Poker, and forget about downloading porn. One of them's sleeping on the fouton in the computer room. And he snores, so good luck trying to pop one out witht that goin on.

Man, don't even get me started on what this has done to my sex life...


Anonymous george w. bush said...

i just heard that the leavees in NO are over flowing again.
i guess that sometimes you have to flush twice.

12:07 PM  
Blogger lucyflynn5937 said...

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1:41 AM  

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