Saturday, December 23, 2006

Season's Beatings

Merry Christlombus, Tresselnation. It's me Tressel, Coach Jimmy Tressel. Hey jerks - I know it's been a while since I've posted, but your beloved, well hung, favorite coach has been busy as a bee lately, so suck it. I just finished wrapping presents and making Christmas cookies with Mrs. T. Well actually I made her get buck naked, wrap the presents with her tits and then I slathered frosting all over her ass - bent her over the kitchen counter and went to town - rodeo style. This time of year really brings out the best in people. Just the other day I was getting high with that picklewipe Krenzel and I packed him a bowl full of potpourri and I decided to tell him mid inhale. Now don't go saying that the coach is getting soft, he puked for a good twenty minutes straight it was comic gold.

What did the blind, dumb and deaf kid get for Christmas?


Oh! Big news kids. I've kept this on the low low for months. I just got off the horn with the kids over at Rockstar Games and Grand (Fuckin') Theft Columbus is a GO! This is going to be the most skull smashing, brain splattering, violent video game ever. It stars your sweetassed coach and a whole cast of your favorite Buckeyes. Basically the storyline is that me and Maurice fight and blast our way through a post apocalyptic Columbus, Ohio. The ohio state locker room saves me and the team from a deadly, nuclear blast. We smash zombies heads in, party with hot chicks, stab hookers and eventually go on a killing spree straight through Michigan, like Sherman's march to the sea, but with hot chicks wanting to blow us the whole time. We gain mutant powers, get sweet weapons, and bang hot chicks. Well I don't want to say too much and wreck it. They sent me some rough screen shots so I'll give you a little taste.

That's all for now kids. I've got work to do. I've got to go and jingle my bells against Mrs. T's sleigh. Have a great holiday and remember to keep it wet. Also remember to burn the bridges behind you to light the path ahead.

Why do Squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.


Anonymous Bill said...

I will absolutely buy that game. That is going to be fuckin' awesome.

2:40 PM  
Anonymous Frank said...

Jim Tressel has pierced nipples. Who knew?

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Kenneth said...

Frank is a gaylord. Who knew?

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that game makes GTC makes my nagron stand at half mast. happy HOlidays.

8:17 PM  
Anonymous Dr. Alex King said...

Nice tits, Coach.

I cannot wait for your game.

It will be awesome.

When your character gets blowjobs in the game, will we be able to see your penis?

I sure hope not.

I figure they will either show a pron star's dick or they will not show the dick at all. They would maybe show you with a smile on your face as a girl gets down on her knees before you.

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Grand Theft Columbus kicks ass!
Hey coach, why didn't you write about going to Scores w/Troy during the Heisman weekend?

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to get that game. When will it be in stores?

11:37 AM  
Anonymous Joe said...

My girlfriend is pregnant and is due next month. I haven't fucked her since June. I want to put it in her ass. What is weird is that it would be like I was fucking the baby, too. You understand what I am saying? Do you think it would be weird for me to fuck my pregnant girlfriend in her ass?

I welcome your thoughts.

3:15 PM  
Anonymous Swauin said...

Hey Joe,

It would not be weird for you to ass fuck her. It also would be nice if you let me do it, too.

6:33 PM  
Anonymous Ben Hartsock said...

Question: What is the most important quality of a penis?
Thrusting motion?

9:49 PM  
Blogger Best Vest said...


Make sure you don't knock her up with a butt baby. Just kidding, you are totally gay. Look in the mirror there is a slight indent in your forehead from your folks getting it on durring all trimesters. Get it untill the water breaks... MAN LAW!

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Bill said...

Ohio State will beat Fla 34-10

7:04 AM  
Anonymous ben hartsussy said...

Ben "Hearts" Cock, I'm sure you have done enough research to answer all those questions yourself. Just swing that closet door open, put George Michael's greatest hits cd on pause, give the world a big "HAAAYYY", wax your chest and get over it. Your parents and friends already know.

11:03 AM  
Anonymous Jim Solomon said...

Michigan 38, USC 10
Florida 16, Ohio State 12

Michigan and Florida share national title even though Michigan will have a better BCS standings number.

Eat it, Treseel. You bastard.

10:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dream on solomon you cock sucker. how can you take a national title from a team that already had a victory over you? if BCS can determine that, someone should destroy all those BCS computers. BCS stands for Big Cock Suckers. OSU national champs. Period. JT will shit on your grave because he will live forever and lead awesome teams into the futre who will also shit on your untimely gravesite. Dom't forget to look both ways you mongoloid moron

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Patrick Harris said...

To Swain, yes my name is Patrick Harris. I saw you ask about that in the previous thread. (I might as well just type my full name when leaving messages from now on).

Happy new year to each and every one of you from the Harris family.

my predictions-
Tennessee 31, Penn State 16
Auburn 37, nebraska 27
West Virginia 38, Georgia Tech 16
Arkansas 17, Wisconsin 13
USC 28, Michigan 24 (sorry, Solomon)
Oklahoma 30, Boise State 12
Louisville 48, Wake Forest 17
LSU 36, Notre Dame 20
Cincinnati 31, Western Michigan 13
Southern Miss 16, Ohio 10
Ohio State 31, Florida 13

7:07 PM  
Anonymous A Nagron said...

A Spillower has spoken to thou frommest Planet Nagron.

He said Ohio State will win 30-17.

7:58 PM  
Anonymous Steven Swain said...

You'z my nigga, A nagron.

Peace out, dogg.

Yo Pat Harris. I be knowing that shit, right. Give me props, homeboy.

Word 'em up, yo.

Yo all, chill in the new year. I knowz I am. I'm going up in my bitch later.

Word to your father.

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Steven Swain said...

Yo yo yo, Yo Kenneth we know Frank is gay. It was obvious when he talkin about listening to C & C Music Factory songs. Son is gay. That's plain as day, dog.

Yo yo check it out yo, DR. Alex King man. Word to your momma. Why you be wanting to check out Jim's dick? You are totally gay. Fuckin homo ass.

Yo you Ben Hatcock. You'z fuckin gay man. Anyway to answer ya question- girth is most important. That's what my girl tells me. My dick girth be great.

Yo I'm drunk. Fuckin' drunk bad. This sweet, my niggazz.

nagron- fuckin word man. That pillow shit from Mars with the prediction. Fuckin great dropping that info here. I'll take that to my bookie. Make money, money.

Word. Real, shit here man. This site be kickin'.

Word, Patrick Haris- grwat picks, nigga. I agree with them all except for the Boise State and Ohio games. Those teams be winning I say. Ohio will be inspired by Ohio DState and will show the great state of Ohio to be the bomb, bitch

11:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my nagron got lots of year end attention, i think it migt need a rest. fake swain ... word. just give that kid a rest though, this website probably made him upset for days. happy new tressel year kids.


4:07 AM  
Anonymous Jim Solomon said...

Ohio DState is right. Michigan is the A team. Tonite's the nite the best team in college football gets it on.

6:38 AM  
Anonymous Pete said...

I'm feeling this tonights.

2:17 PM  
Anonymous bill said...

Hey Solomon, It's looking bad for you, man. USC up 10-3. They just s cored a minute ago.

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Kenneth said...

Michigan got crushed tonight. I would not be surprised if we do not see Jim Solomon around these parts until next college football season.

5:26 PM  
Anonymous o.g. deez nuts! said...

Hey wait a minute, Solomon.

I think you ARE right!! If Ohio State loses a really close game to Fla, and Michigan beats USC bad -- like REALLY, REALLY bad -- something like 32-18, they actually WOULD get a share of the...

...oh, wait. Never mind.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous James Thunderthud said...

Solomon got owned.

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Charlie said...

Dear Coach Tressel,

I saw you interviewed on tv today.



9:11 PM  
Anonymous Joe said...

thanks, best vest.

Another question.

I am getting horny just thinking about drinking my girlfriend's breast milk.
It is sometimes hard for her to wipe her ass due to being pregnant. I sometimes wipe her.
In exchange for this, she has promised me some breast milk.
I guarantee I will shoot my load while breastfeeding.

So what do you say?
Is this cool or sick?

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Walter Benchmagnet said...

Joe- you are an asshole.

How will you live with yourself when you are drinking your girlfriend's breast milk while your baby, in a crib in an adjacent room, is crying for that same milk?

Fuck you, you sick fuck.

As far as my prediction goes:

Ohio State 28, Florida 10

Joe gets a limp dick

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Henry said...

RE: Charlie

Why are you thanking Tressel for his press conference?
I don't understand why you are thanking him. Did he mention your name or something? I just don't get it.

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Henry said...

RE: Joe

You might be the biggest loser on the internet. Congratulations, asshole.

5:54 PM  
Anonymous spitfire evens said...


Every dude who has ever stayed with a chick he knocked up has got a little lactated milk in his face at some point. Just don't fixate on liking it too much. You might end up only getting your nagron up for pregnant broads and then have to move on to fatties. Have fun with it if that's what you both want. Try it in your coffee or frosted flakes, it's not half bad...

Ohio State 56, Florida 3.

10:53 PM  
Anonymous Krenzel said...

Tressel you fucking cocksmoker! Like I didn't know it was potpourri! I am Craig fucking Krenzel I have a degree in Molecular Genetics and drive a PT Cruiser. Jimmy T isn't telling the whole story. I gave him a line of AJAX and he almost died, so naturally I inhaled the Potpourri because I was owed it. Read my fucking notes you homos, it says "outstanding leader and winner in every sense of the word... Tough, smart, and competitive..." and this is why:
I am out in Arizona and the Strip Clubs are awesome, but every bitch out here is named either Candi or Rain. Hell I don't care though I only call them cunts. They try and act like they don't know who I am, but fuck everyone knows the Buckeyes out in the AZ. Anyways I fucked this one stripper last night who was asking for extra tips because her son has Lupus, I told her I can cure Lupus but only if she blew me and then licked my asshole. If you have never had your shit-button licked I highly recommend it, a little weird at first but ultimately I had the best orgasm of my life.

7:00 AM  
Anonymous Bill said...

re: Henry, Charlie

I don't know. Now that you brought it up, Henry, is does look bizarre what Charlie wrote. I hadn't paid it much attention when I first saw the comment.

Is it possible Charlie is gay and got a boner from looking at Tressel on the TV? The only other thing I can think of is that Charlie said "Thanks" because he was able to post at Tressel's blog. That would make Charlie a major geek.

6:04 PM  
Anonymous The Flying Dutchman and Penn State alum ('98) Craig Wolf said...

Time for the expert among us to drop some science.

Charlie is both a geek and a homo. He was definitely saying he rubbed one out while watching the Tressel presser.

Penn State will win the Big Ten next season.

Ohio State will beat Florida on Monday night 26-16.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Little Jack Horner
sat ony a corner
licking my dick and weigh
I said don't come
out to play
I don't like it that way
It was a good day
For the flay
Now what do you say?

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

had a little puppy
petted it well
and cooked it into soup
no more cleaning up dog poop
had a little kitty
it liked to lick my titty
it ran away
i had a really bad bad day

my nagrooon
oh oh oh
my nagrooon

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Almost a fat dick said...

DUDE,i was porkin' this fat prostitute in the butt and she shit all over me. My dick is still stained brown.

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Ron said...

Hi, Mr. Tressel,

I will buy your game because it sounds fun. I used to play GTA3 and GTA:San Andreas.
I like how your game will keep a running tally of blow jobs in addition to murders.
That adds to the fun factor.

Will this be on those games that is only sold in adult stores? I don't think this kind of game will be sold in Toys R Us and Wal-Mart and all.

I look forward to it.

I hope you beat Florida 33-10 tonight because that was my prediction.

9:37 AM  
Anonymous Patrick Harris said...

re: almost a fat dick

Take a hike, retard.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous pATRICK hARRIS said...

Suggestion to those going to the game tonight or if you know someone who is going:

Make a poster and advertise this website.

I think this would be a great thing. We have a wonderful opportunity to get on television. It would be good for advertising. Coach Jim Tressel could even turn this into a full message board. We could have our own avatars. Think of the possibilities.
AT&T could advertise here. Gamblign sites, Best Buy, Konica, all sorts of wonderful companies.

I would certainly advertise this site, but I will not be attending the game.

I would wear my Tressel's World t-shirt and I would make posters. I liked Swain's t-shirt idea so much, I went out and got one made.


OHIO STATE- NATIONAL CHAMPIONS IN ABOUT NINE HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SO DAMN EXCITED, I COULD ALMOST GO NUTS IN WORK TODAY. I AM GOING TO GO IN THE BREAKROOM LATER, TAKE SOME COFFEE MUGS, AND THROW THEM AT THE WALL IN THE LOCKER ROOM! I AM FIRED UP FOR THIS GAME, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


12:15 PM  
Blogger Best Vest said...

I had a nice breakfast, punched the clown and took a nap today. I've looped sountracks from Rocky I-V through the stereo in my office and have been kicking everyone's asses in on Madden 2007 all day (that game needs some naked chicks running around between plays). I am ready kids - so very ready. Have fun tonight, I will. See you at the victory party. I'll take some pictures again.

2:31 PM  

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