Hello neighbor, it's me Tressel, Coach Jimmy Tressel, some of you out there in Tressel's World have been complaining about the coach not posting enough. Well let me lift my balls up off your chin long enough to explain to you that I have this team that I coach called the Ohio State Fucking Buckeyes, an interplanetary force of cosmic destructive awesomeness, don't forget that. I figure that if I get another bowl game under my belt Jimmy T"s going to be getting some Hollywood pussy, at least a Desperate Housewife or two. That's why I've been working extra hard this year.
Have you ever had to punch your nextdoor neighbor in the nuts just because you slapped his wife's fat ass and passed out in his yard, woke up next to his teenage daughter and made sweet love to her behind their garage while the sun gently rose to start a new beautiful day and maybe gave her the clap? I have.
Is anyone watching any of this world cup nonsense? It's hard not to. The games are on like four channels. I was stoned out of my gourd last week in some chick's dorm room watching a game on the Spanish channel. I kind of got into it for a second but then I realized that I was just high and the chick and her roommate were both on the soccer team and I was hoping to get some action off the roommate. It was kind of like when you're surfing the porn super highway, you know the interweb, and you see a picture of some skank who has a weird vagina (a really meaty one, maybe a clenis or just one of those big ones that goes from the ass to the belly button) and you think that's hot, just because it's weird. But then your like no - that's just weird. That's how I felt watching soccer.
Sure I'll have my agents go kidnap some Scandinavian kid who plays soccer when I need a new kicker, but that game is way retarded. Think of the guys who played soccer at your high school. They were usually skinny or short, had bad skin - goofyassed haircuts and were most likely foreign. No son of mine legitimate or not will ever play that girl sport. What self respecting sports fan could appreciate a sport responsible for promoting the mullet?
That's all for now kids. The Coach has grown up stuff to do. I'm keepin' it loose so keep it tight, ladies leave the door unlocked I'll be by later tonight.