Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Looking Back, Looking Forward

Hey there, Buckaroos! Last weekend, I was over at Ken Blackwell's House looking through his medicine cabinet hoping to score some pain killers when I found a bottle of penicillin. It sure did bring back some memories. It also made me think about One Tit Mary and how our relationship has grown over the years. She's the hooker that found me face down in the gutter and taught me how to open up my heart and express the things that were trapped there for so many years. She also taught me how to cook up a mean batch of crack cocaine. This poem's for you, you nasty old ho.

An Ode to One Tit Mary

For a prostitute
I am absolute
though your teeth are few
that your heart is true

Having only one tit
never slowed you a bit
you've always come through
when my balls were blue

You walk with a limp
cuz, now I'm your pimp
keepin' it so sleazy
you make pimpin' easy

So get my 300 by nine tonight bitch
or they'll find your old nasty rotten whore ass in a ditch

13 Comments:

Anonymous eddie g. said...

amen, coach. a-fucking-men.

9:11 AM  
Blogger Boston Strangler said...

they say love is blind

let's hope so, or you just love drugs

2:22 PM  
Anonymous g. coleman said...

pimpin' is easy - being three feet tall and trying to get a piece of quality ass for free is not. punching people in the old lunch sack when they ask you to say your catch phrase is easy. very easy.

7:40 PM  
Anonymous cottoncandy said...

You know, I used to think this blog was funny. Now, its just old and hackneyed. The novelty of a pimpin' JT is wearing thin.

7:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lay off, dude. Big Tress is just resting up for minicamp. Go back to your couch and watch Oprah, loser.

9:32 AM  
Anonymous Coach Pete said...

How can this shit possibly get old ? First of all, this lazy bastard Tressel takes forever to update anymore, and secondly, the man is a pure Genius. Take it from me, it ain't easy to come up with new lies on a regular basis. Look at my case..It took me almost 3 years to get sorry-ass Chauncey Washington back to being akademically unledgible for the upcumming season. And I thought LenDale was a pain in the ass...

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2449855 Way to get paid, coach.

8:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've got to stop reading this blog at work, because when I'm forced to stifle laughter to the point where tears start streaming down my face, my co-workers look at me funny.

6:54 AM  
Blogger Best Vest said...

Hey "anonymous" get a real damn job where you don't have to be such a pussy. Do you work at the IRS? Send me your resume I need somebody to take care of my dry cleaning now that Mrs. T. is on a no blow job and no taking my vests to the cleaners strike. You should only be worried about not being able to laugh when you are worm food.

10:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ohio $tate sucks and so do you coach.

One question: How much of your contract will be going to recruits, you cheating sonuvab!tch.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Mentos Fillapeedios said...

re: Mike

Now that's just more blow jobs from prostitutes for ol' Coach!

11:41 AM  
Anonymous mike said...

john cooper's nephew got caught jerking off in a public library. I think that takes coach tressel's penny pinching advice to the extreme. go to the link below to see the video from deadspin. hes the one in the ohio state sweatshirt.

http://www.deadspin.com/sports/youtube/the-most-brilliant-thing-youll-see-all-day-176349.php

7:39 PM  
Blogger HOT CARL said...

SMACK MY BITCH UP, ONE TIT MARY, SHE USED TO WORK IN MY STABLE OF BITCHES UNTIL THAT FUCKIN COACH MADE HER SEE THE LIGHT, THE FROM HIS MONEY CLIP PAID FOR BY THE BOOSTERS, I GOT A RECIEPT. HOT CARL

10:34 AM  

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