Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Scarlett vs. Who Gives a Flying Fuck

Hey kids, it's your old pal, Tressel. Coach Jim Tressel. Yeah, I know it's been a while since I've updated. Sorry I guess I've just been busy coaching the greatest football team that ever emerged from god's vagina. Hey! Who likes ice cream. So, yeah last weekend....about that giant waste of time you assholes call an excuse to get drunk, the Scarlett and Grey Game. whoopity fuckin do. Seriously, who get's off watching a team play themself? It's a fucking scrimmage you jerk-asses. The real deal don't start till August, so simmer down for I bust out my thongs and serve up some ass-kick salad. So who were you cheering for? "Oh, I just like to see our boys out there givin it their all." Hey, fuck you. You just want an excuse to eat bratwurst and drink Beast in the back of your lame ass Winebago, maybe score some underage cooch with the offer of some contra-band skunk brew. Did you even pay attention to the score? Oh, wait, there wasn't one. You people make me sick. I had to be there, It's my job, but you dicklicks could have been out enjoying a beautiful spring day. Riding bikes, or hoovercrafts, rock-climbing, going to Home Depot, whatever it is lame-ass whiteys do on their day off. Still, make sure you buy plenty of our new jerseys. Every jersey we sell goes to my favorite charity, The Buy Jim Tressel a new Hoovercraft Foundation.

So what's with this band OAR. They fucking suck. I guess it stands for Of A Revolution, but my guess is, the only revolution these cheese dicks are interested in pertains to rennovations at their local Gap. I've always said, the only thing that sucks more than Dave Matthews is people who want to be Dave Matthews.

I think they should be called TWG...Turds With Guitars. Seriously. What about these guys says revolution. Oh yeah, like, I'm gonna listen to a bunch of Frat Douche's try and play reggae music, and that's gonna inspire me to overthrow the corrupt oppressive regime that won't legalize pot. Way to rage against the machine there, boyos. Bob Marley's tumor ridden, maggot infested corpse is wailing in his grave. God, bring on the Steeley Dan for Chrissakes. How come all those guys from Skynnard had to die in a plane crash,(at least the one's that didn't suck) but these scrotes are still struttin' around my town bogartin' all my snatch!

That song, Crazy Game of Poker...it fucking sucks. How can you jam for 20 minutes about a game of poker. If these fuck-holes ever attended one of my crazy games of poker, they'd probably get stabbed...or shot. It's re-fucking-tarded. It'd be one thing if this poor excuse for a Steve Miller Band could actually play their instruments, but they suck. At best, I would describe them as a Spin Doctors tribute band.

Speaking of assholes...

I was watching the NBA playoffs this last week, and I just want to say, fuck you, Brent Musburger! Go Cavs.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank God you're alive, Coach. We were all worried for a few days there. It was pretty touch and go.

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Big Punisher said...

Nice update coach. Is OAR from Ohio?

10:14 AM  
Anonymous cottoncandy said...

Hey, how come my favorite blog isn't linked on M Blog anymore? You're swell.

11:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

O.A.R. sucked six or seven years ago when I was in college. I can't believe they're still sucking now. Once I thought about playing the "O.A.R. isn't that Bad" angle to get some pussy from some slats that were into them, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm a better person now for it.

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

OAR sucks balls, some girl asked me while I was listening to muse outloud "Oh, they sound good. Do you by any chance like OAR, I love them."

I mean what kind of question is that crap, I'm listening to orgasmic Matt Bellamy riffs and this bitch has the audacity to ask if I like such dog shit as OAR.

Fuckin, Sorority slut

1:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious. Tressel himself would be proud.

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you all can go suck pussy..OAR is the tits.

2:34 PM  
Blogger The Shocka said...

Tressel -

You sound like the type of guy who bashes people/things he really wants to fuck.

That sound about right?

I know the band you are referring to. I could get you digits if you ask nicely.

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your a fucking piece of shit with no true taste in music. I've never listened to oar so they may suck but how can you say anything bad about DMB? They are all great musicians who haven;t forgotten who they are and if you can't appreciate what they do, then you should just no comment on music in general because you don't have good taste in music.


11:11 PM  

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