Sunday, April 30, 2006

Now Pinch Hitting for Mrs. T...

Tressel here. Coach Jim Tressel. How are all my little Buck Nuts? Good? Yeah, well I've been sleeping at a goddamn Motel 6 for the last few days thanks to this stupid blog, so you can all rot in hell. I hope you guys enjoy this. I hope it was worth it. Because apparently Mrs. Tressel doesn't enjoy the World.

I guess she found a link to this blog on some message board for baking, or laundry, or cooking dinner, or whatever the hell it is she does for fun when I'm at work paying the mutha fuckin' bills. Needless to say, she didn't take to kindly to the photos from Spring Break.

But I guess that's the risk you take with this new and exciting medium that is the blog-O-sphere. No-Holds-Barred Truth, that's what this blog is about. I'm not pulling punches. I'm not holding back. There's a truth inside me, and it needs a place to breath. This blog is that place.

That being said, what a crazy weekend. So with the Mrs. not talking to me, I needed someone to take to Ken Blackwell's Key Parrty/Fund Raiser this weekend. I've said it once and I'll say it again, thank god for prostitutes. Sure enough no one attending, not Bob Taft, not Wally O'Dell, and certainly not Ken Blackwell or any of Ohio's other prominent Republicans noticed. Let's just say Shanta earned her twenty bucks. Unfortunately she gave everyone crabs. Still, it's not like its AIDS, and it's certainly nothing a little topical ointment can't take care of.

Honey, if you're reading this. Let's stop the fussin' and get back to mussin'. I miss you.

I also need you to pick up my drycleaning.


Blogger jeff and tracie cote said...

what's with the missus hatin? coach, come on now, next time she gives u any lip over some silly spring break pictures, or tries to put some filters on your pc, just tell her: "I AM A GROWN ASS MAN....whip up some samiches - I'll be out back working on my hovercraft"

1:33 PM  
Blogger J.D. said...

Smack that bitch up. You're the one makin' all the jack and payin' the bills. Tell her to go pound salt!

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Gary Moeller said...

Hey, Ms. T, cut The Vest some slack. At least you're not having to bail his ass out of jail. Me, I can't get drunk without assaulting somebody, and that's almost always good for a free (but handcuffed) ride in the backseat a Crown Victoria. The Vest's temper control when ingesting mind-altering substances must be respected!

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coach I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think I saw the Misses over at John Cooper's place. I think I heard something like "Oh, yeah...You can beat THIS MAZE baby...Oh, yeah."

5:57 PM  
Anonymous Jerry said...

Coach, me and some of the boys are gonna hit Vegas this weekend. As long as the missus has you out of the house, you wanna tag along? We're going to get Petey Carrol another transvestite hooker just like last time. It'll be halarious!

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Rich Sampson said...

I think I'd give the wife some action and then when she falls asleep I would leave.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Patrick Schneider said...

Hey coach just wanted to see if you were in this years Ohio hoverally. Good Luck!!

10:12 PM  
Anonymous Mike Shula said...

Hey man you made That is your highest honor yet, you fuck. Peace, dog. Coach Shula

1:25 AM  
Anonymous Big Juicy Tits said...

Dearest Coach Tressell,

I just wanted to let you know that I am a huge fan and I would certainly be willing to meet you and see if anything could develop between us. Look me up, sweetcheeks.

2:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you've abandoned us coach...

10:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

come on cheatypants! Hit us with some wizdom

6:27 AM  
Blogger Mentos Fillapeedios said...

Dear anonymous,

Hold your horses. Coach Tressel is very busy with football stuff these days. He doesn't have free time everyday to bless us with good stuff here. Be patient and the guy will post.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Eddie G. said...

Hey Tressel - put down the fucking pipe and get your ass back to the computer. I'm not gonna sugarcoat this. You've got regulars now and 2 weeks ain't cuttin' it. Kick that fucking cat off your lap. Tell the wife to shut the fuck up cuz Coach has got some writin' to do. If that doesn't give you enough time then, for shits sake, cut down on the hookers and drugs. Clean yourself up damnit!!

8:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do crabs leave the hospital? On crotches!

(See the crap we're resorting to, coach. Post, dammit.)

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least get one of your male hookers to fill in for you. Douchebag.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Mentos Fillapeedios said...

He could be locked up. I heard a rumor he groped a senior citizen on a golf course last weekend.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope he gets ass raped so hard that Maurice can hide from the cops up there.

7:54 AM  
Anonymous Eric Wedge said...

tressel, im going through some tough times right now. i could really use an uplifting poem to help me during these dark days.

11:00 AM  

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