Wednesday, March 15, 2006

My Lyrical Street Science is Tight – So Are My New Pants

Word up, Tresselnation. It's me Jimmy T, here to drop some more wisdom on your dumb, cornfed asses. That Q&A session really wore me out and killed the sweet tussin and listerine buzz I had going yesterday. Obviously I had to get out of the house, so I went to the mall to by some new pants. There's nothing like new pants to put a little zing in the coach's step, well almost nothing. Man, did I find some sweet pants.

Today I got bored so I stopped by the office in my new pants. I picked up my mail, slapped some coed chicks on the ass, played some Unreal Tournament on my laptop and generally just broke balls for a few hours. But I did it with a whole new confidence and finesse. It seemed like every chick I walked past was zoning in on the way these pants perfectly frame my package.

I felt so good that when I got home I did a couple whipits and chased the misses around playing her favorite game "Order in the Court". Once I was done swingin' the old meat gavel around I went straight to the studio to lay down some tight lyrics. Because I love my new pants so much I'll share this with you.


pants pants
my new pants
as I strut past
ho's are late for class
it's just the way I wear it
never droopin' like Clarett

they make my crotch bulge out
hear the ladies shout
all the pretty heads turn
checking out my unicorn

I don't keep the ladies guessing
they all need some sweater vesting
they can't stop ingesting
my ass kick salad dressing

pants pants
my new pants
pull yours down
and we'll do a little dance

you know you're a freak
don't be shy give me a peak
gotta check out the goods
before the bed springs go squeak

pants pants
my new pants
check it, bitch

Whoever wrote this book should be tied to a tree and have there balls eaten by a goat with herpes. What's wrong with people?


Anonymous Danni said...

Is that Aria Giovanni on the left?

8:43 PM  
Blogger Dirt said...

that picture is, blondie...rock and roll hall of fame? a sign of the apocalypse? just a thought

9:34 PM  
Blogger BoozerLoozer said...

Hey JT, I was just wondering if you wantend to take your pants and come to the Dead Schembechler's concer with me tonight at the Agora.. welp, just get back to me when you can.

- Love ya's

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those pants are burnt orange.

Did you lose a bet with Mack Brown?

2:10 PM  
Blogger Best Vest said...

Yes she's my new secretary, well that's what I tell the misses.

If by rediculous, you mean completely fucking galactically awesome, then I must agree. Blondie was the first white broad to rap, so whatever.

I would be there for the buckeye bop but i'm taking Bucky to a class tonight called "teach your cat to paint". Maybe next time. Those boys will be playing at Bucky's next wedding if he can ever get his shit straight after the last nightmare. I hope painting will help him release his inner demons.

Burnt orange? Check you monitor picklewipe. They are as red as the blood I shed for you bastards on the daily. Mack brown can like my sack.

3:30 PM  
Anonymous BIG Pun said...

See I KNEW you had skillz! With that verse, I see Ohio State getting another top 5 recruit ANY day now!

5:15 PM  

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