Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscar Recap

Hey Kids, It's me, your old pal, Hollywood Insider, Coach Jim Tressel. Well, another Oscars has come and gone, and I must say, yet again a perennial Tressel favorite has been snubbed by the accademy. When is Tim Allen gonna get his due? So what if he's a Michigan fan, have you seen Jungle to Jungle? I'll tell ya, thee don't make 'em like that anymore. That new movie, Shaggy Dog looks pretty good, though.

Ha, I'm just kidding. Tim Allen totally sucks. Remember Home Improvement? That thing was gayer than Truman Capote holding a three dollar bill in the back of Krenzel's PT Cruiser. Speaking of things that are gay, if I hear one more Brokeback Mountain/"I wish I could quit you!" joke, I swear I'm gonna put my fist through someone's fucking head. And what's the deal with Felicity Houghman? Is she a dude or not? One night I was rubbin' one out to her while watching Desperate Housewives, and then during the commercials, I see a preview for this Trans America movie. Does that make me gay? Answer carefully, if you don't want a big bowl of my patented Ass-kick Salad.

Gotta say, how is it that the 3-6 Maffia won the Oscar? I've farted better raps than that, and Dolly Parton has nice cans, so how's that for Injustice? Crash, you can suck it. Maybe my rap act needs a little interpretive dance. Pete Carrol may be bumpin' elbows with the Stars, but Coach Jimmy is bumpin' uglies...

All in all, I gotta say the highlight of the night for yours truly was the four-way I had with Tom Hanks and these two broads. That's what a Fiesta Bowl Championship'll get ya. The broad on the right had some nice cans, didn't she? Coach likes him some pancakes.

Well, that's all for now. Until next time keep it on the QT and very hush, hush.


Anonymous Jote Tu Madre said...


Dolly Parton HAD nice cans.
What you see now is extreme support, I've seen em, they sag like Tim Allen's movie career.

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Geauxnads said...

"Tom Hanks" looks a lot like A.J. Hawk in that picture. I think you and Hawk were out swingin' again. Krenzel's gonna be jealous!

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coach, I just found your site and it kicks ass!

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why did you let Skeete back on the team?

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last time I checked, I dont have a kicker, Skeete could kick me to knew heights!

7:02 PM  

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