Professional Tresseling

What do a woman and kentucky fried chicken have in common? Once you're done with the breast and thigh, all you're left with is a greasy box. Troy Smith told me that one. He sure does like chicken.

Speaking of greasy boxes, guess who's back? I'll give you two hints, she likes dogs, and she used to let me stick my dick in her.

My wife finally showed up. Turns out that she got locked in a closet during the big post game party at my house. It's not that bad - I'm eating pancakes every morning and I'm wearing clean underwear again. It has put a bit of a damper on dating, though. Coach Jimbo loves him some humps and lovely lady lumps. Don't get me wrong, I've always been discreet, but it was nice to just be able to get a little strange in my own house. Whatever, at least the driveway is getting shoveled now.

Man, life is boring when you can't ram a football up someone's ass every Saturday. I've been thinking about trying my hand at stand up comedy. Why not? The kids always laugh at Coach Jimbo's jokes. I'll usually inflict some kind of bodily harm if they don't, but it wouldn't be fun otherwise.

How does Pete Carroll find sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

I think I've always had it in me. It just comes naturally. Speaking of retards - have you ever noticed how all retards look alike? I think they all must have the same dad. This guy must really get around, though. He's getting laid like every night. So ladies, if you're ever in a bar late at night, and some guy comes up to you with a huge forehead and drooly, droopy-ass eyes and introduces himself as Donny Syndrome, get the hell out of there!!!

Take my wife... A. J. Hawk does while I film it. But seriously folks, do you know what the cannibal did after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his ass. Man, it's just too easy.

I called up a prostitute the other night for me and the boys. A pretty average Tuesday night, right? Well she shows up and she had a runny nose, so I asked her if she was full. Whatever. Maybe that wasn't so funny, but when I said it, Craig Krenzel blew a line of coke right off her tits.

I just bought a new car. My wife will probably hate it, but fuck her. She'll end up back in the closet it she flaps her cakehole. It's got some serious bumps in the trunk, so I've been crusin' for pussy all week bumpin' to the song "grillz". That's where I'm headed right now. Oh, just so you don't feel like you left empty-handed - why do women have vaginas?

So men will talk to them...

Is this thing on?