Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Crazy Krenzel

Sorry, Kids. Haven't been updating as much as I should lately. I guess I've just been busy, preparing for and winning THE BIGGEST FUCKING GAME OF THE YEAR. So stuff it up your ass.

Ok, that was probably unnecessary. Still, it's been a rough week. Looks like it's going to be a lonely Thanksgiving for the Tressmeister. Sunday night, Krenzel came over to celebrate Saturday's big win. We were gonna watch the Simpsons, maybe play some video games, you know, the usual. He also brought over a six pack of High Life, a couple cans of spraypaint, and a paper bag.

Well, needless to say, we got pretty high, which was fun. Then, for some reason, Krenz starts rolling around on the floor, yelling something about how he's covered in spiders. To calm him down I doused him with the bucket we'd been peeing in. Next thing I know he's going nuts, like a China-Man in a bull shop, smashing shit, including my wifes collection of Franklin Mint commemorative plates. Needless to say she was not happy, and now I'm spending Thanksgiving in a Motel 6. The good news, it's got Spank-tra-vision. Still, it's kind of sad, that the highlight of my Thanksgiving is probably gonna be eating a can of pumpkin pie mix, and jacking off into an old gym sock. Fucking Krenzel.

You know what, though? That''s pretty harsh. I'm kinda hard on Krenz, but he's had a rough childhood. His family's had it's share of problems, and hey, the two of us have been through alot. I mean, we won a national championship together. I think lately he's been a little jealous of Troy, and with Holiday's approaching, it tends to compound his depression with him coming from a broken home and all. So Krenz, I forgive ya. And eventually, the misses will forgive you too, and probably me, as well. Maybe we can spend Christmas together, I don't know.

All this drama really brings out the creative side of Coach Jim Tressel. Last night I wrote this poem:

My Krenzel

Your daddy likes his porno,
Now that mommy's not around.
She used to love her heroin,
But now she's underground.
So you stay up late at night,
And you do your coke for free.
Driving your friend's crazy,
With your life's insanity.
Well, well, well,
You never can tell.
Well, well, well, my Krenz-ell.


Anonymous Axl Rose said...

You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous troy smith said...

krenzel acks like a bitch.

9:18 AM  
Anonymous buffalo chick said...

Up for a game of imaginary "HORSE" around the bar??

Funny stuff you've got here :)

12:45 AM  
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2:39 PM  
Blogger pedro velasquez said...

Merry Christlombus, Tresselnation. It's me Tressel, sportsbook Coach Jimmy Tressel. Hey jerks - I know it's been a while since I've posted, but your beloved, well hung, favorite coach has been busy as a bee lately, so suck it. I just finished wrapping presents and making Christmas cookies with Mrs. T. bet nfl Well actually I made her get buck naked, wrap the presents with her tits and then I slathered frosting all over her ass - bent her over the kitchen counter and went to town - rodeo style.

2:37 PM  

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