Monday, January 02, 2006

Half Time Quickie

Ordinarily, I'd use half-time to motivate my players. Pat em on the back, or serve em up some ass-kick salad depending on how they're playing. But since I haven't been updating as much lately as I'd like to, and It's my New Years Resolution to blog more, I'm bringing all you Tressel-teers a little Tostito's Half Time blog-post.

First of all, 21-7? I thought this guy was supposed to be an offensive genius. Did you see that sack by AJ Hawk. He stuffed him just like he stuffed his sister the night before...which was hot. He taped it for the whole team. Right before the game we all got in a circle, prayed and then beat off to it. Except the muslim kids. They had to wait outside the locker-room cause they're not real Americans. I'll tell ya, I wouldn't mind stickin it to that little cutie. She's Catholic though, so AJ's gotta put it in her pooper so she stays a virgin, no birth control either. It's crazy, but you know how they are, not exactly the most rational religion. Body and blood my ass.

Yeah Charlie Weiss is suposed to be a genius. I'll tell ya, I don't care how many Super Bowl rings that Jesus Lovin Jaba has on his fat little donut grabbers, there's one thing I see every morning in the shower, that that tub o' goo never will, and that's my very own cock. Guess he's just gonna have to sit in the corner and watch his team shower, like the sad little Virgin Mary he is.

On a serious note, I want all of you out there in Tressel's World to say a little prayer for my buddy Maurice. He's goin through some problems right now with the law. I had him over for Xmas Eve dinner last week, and yes, I counted all my silver-wear, but as he was leaving my house, after the cavity search, he said, "Coach, I think I'm gonna go to Europe to play ball. I'm gonna get my career back on track." And I said "Go for it Maury." And he said, "Can I borrow $800 for a plane ticket?" and I said, "Sorry bud, I got credit card bills out the wahoo from Christmas, but good luck and enjoy those Dutch hookers."

I guess I should have loaned him the money.


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6:58 AM  

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