Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Spoils of Victory

Sorry I haven't updated lately, Tresselnation. What's that smell? THAT'S SWEET FUCKING VICTORY, BABY! Actually that's me, I haven't bathed in four days... but boozing in my scarlet and grey hot tub with hot naked coeds probably counts as a bath.

I am so wasted.
I'm on day ten of one of the sweetest benders ever. I sent my wife on a two week cruise (or maybe locked her fat ass in the coat room with a gallon of water, two boxes of Wheaties, some crossword puzzels and a flashlight). I didn't want her to spoil the party we've been having over here at Casa de Tressel or as the boys have been calling it this week "The Pussy Center". Dr. Jimbo has been doing alot of breast exams this week.

Some how part of our sectional and one of Troy Smith's hookers ended up at the bottom of my pool. But that's why I have a maid. She's been working extra hard this week clearing away beer cans, ash trays, drug paraphanalia and dead hookers.
Speaking of pool we put the pool table out in the front yard and harrassed the neighbors with taunts and beer bottles until yesterday when federal marshals set fire to it. Well, I was entertaining some young ladies at the time so I don't know if that is what exactly happened, but that was A. J. Hawk's drunken, drug addled version of the story. So who knows? Hawk has been so out of it he hasn't realized that we shaved his eyebrows and stupid hippy hair three damn days ago. He looks like a fucking dolphin.

It's just like my days at the out frat house but with less rape, humiliation and latent homosexuality. Well I've got to go light a bag of dog shit on fire and throw it into the open (o.k. broken) window of Krezel's dumb PT Cruiser. That joke never gets old. Hey It's my turn to do a keg stand - see ya jerks.


Post a Comment

<< Home