Umm Bop!

Hey there kidies! Ol' Coach Jimbo is here again to make the internet just a little bit better with my wit and wisdom. My nuts and man nipples are really sore today, kids. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with the other night.
My wife and I were experimenting with some new "techniques". We me this other couple at a club the other night and they really opened up our world. If I wasn't so high at the time I would have thought they were crazy but you can really shake some dust off the old Casa De Amour with a car battery, some tellephone cords, a hammer and some paper clips. I can't wait to get home tonight I just bought a miniture statue of liberty and a mini welding kit.
So our therapist, Stephen ( leave it to my wife to fing a gay marraige councilor, but it was court ordered so... WTF), suggested that we get away from the pets and the kids and hard drugs and spend some quality time together. I was looking though the paper and saw an ad for a cover band that was coming to one of my favorite haunts - Marilyn Hanson! It was pure serendipity, I love Marilyn Manson - my wife loves Hanson ( you got your chocolate in my peanut butter and vice versa). We get there and the lead singer was wearing some creepy makeup and dessed like a complete pussy. He belted out "Umm Bop" the way it was supposed to soud - like Satan! They also did a sugary sweet version of "Beautiful People " and sang "Sweet Dreams" like it was done by a glee club of goth kids. It fucking rocked. Later, I came back from the bar with our tenth round of cherry bombs and the wife was nowhere to be found. I looked everywhere and was ready to smash something when she came stumbling out of the men's room with the lead singer's signature written across both her cans in sharpie marker. How awesome is that? Not very awesome. So thank God we talked to that couple earlier in the night, I dragged her ass out to the car and went straight to the 24 hour hardware store, somehow I only hit 4 parked cars on the way back home. We tried out those "techniques" alright, and you know what. We have found that excruciating pain brings us closer, I like the S and the M. Her favorite thing now is when I sneak up behind her, squeeze her nips real hard and sing "Umm Bop" into her ear.