TGIF: Powder Yer Donuts!
JAGERBOMBS ON THE TRESSMEISTER!!!!! Whoooo. Commin' at you live from the Bdubs e-cafe doing a little Friday afternoon speed dating. But, hey no fatties! Ha! Yeah right, who am I kidding? I've been known to do a little hogging from time to time.
Whatever you might hear about me and Big Sheila from Applebee's is a complete fucking lie and I will send out some of my Line-Dawgs to fuck their lying ass up like a car crash.
If I don't shit blood tomorrow then the evening was a waste.
I am gonna fucking party tonight. Football season's coming up and I am way stressed. The other day, the boss was givin me shit about my flip-flops. I won an NCAA championship! I can wear flip flops to work if I fucking feal like it. They're red and gray for Chrissakes. I'm really hungry right now, especially after Two-Js. I'll tell ya, bout five minutes ago, Less Wexner and I were eatin wings, and he's like wahhhh these wings are hot. I was like "Wex, you pussy, these wings are weak! They aren't even hot enough to make my sack sweat." Then I purple nurpled him and he cried little a girl.
Speaking of sacks, I went to the Fairfield County Fair last night. Have you ever seen a goat's balls when it's 80 degrees out. I mean hey, I'm over fifty, so my sack has a tendency to lowride, seriously, but those fuckers drag!!!
Man in this heat, you gotta pack some Gold Bond, Coach Jimmy's rule number 1: POWDER YOUR DONUTS! Afterwards, you feel like sweet Jesus himself gave you a kiss smack dab on both your buckeyes! If that's not heaven, give me a one-way ticket to H-E-double hockey sticks any day, but hey, just let me pack my GBP.
I make the whole team powder em' and that's why we're perennial contenders. do you think I'd have made it to so many bowl games if I had to stop every ten seconds to scratch the old spooge wallet?
Look, I'm getting off on a rant, here. I just wasted 20 minutes of happy hour writing this fucker. Besides, there's these two broads givin us the eye from across the bar. One of em's kind of a porker, but I'd stuff the other one. I'll let Lessy Wex have 'er, he's part gay anyhow. Still I'm gonna be balls deep tonight, good thing they're dry.
Whatever you might hear about me and Big Sheila from Applebee's is a complete fucking lie and I will send out some of my Line-Dawgs to fuck their lying ass up like a car crash.
If I don't shit blood tomorrow then the evening was a waste.
I am gonna fucking party tonight. Football season's coming up and I am way stressed. The other day, the boss was givin me shit about my flip-flops. I won an NCAA championship! I can wear flip flops to work if I fucking feal like it. They're red and gray for Chrissakes. I'm really hungry right now, especially after Two-Js. I'll tell ya, bout five minutes ago, Less Wexner and I were eatin wings, and he's like wahhhh these wings are hot. I was like "Wex, you pussy, these wings are weak! They aren't even hot enough to make my sack sweat." Then I purple nurpled him and he cried little a girl.
Speaking of sacks, I went to the Fairfield County Fair last night. Have you ever seen a goat's balls when it's 80 degrees out. I mean hey, I'm over fifty, so my sack has a tendency to lowride, seriously, but those fuckers drag!!!
Man in this heat, you gotta pack some Gold Bond, Coach Jimmy's rule number 1: POWDER YOUR DONUTS! Afterwards, you feel like sweet Jesus himself gave you a kiss smack dab on both your buckeyes! If that's not heaven, give me a one-way ticket to H-E-double hockey sticks any day, but hey, just let me pack my GBP.
I make the whole team powder em' and that's why we're perennial contenders. do you think I'd have made it to so many bowl games if I had to stop every ten seconds to scratch the old spooge wallet?
Look, I'm getting off on a rant, here. I just wasted 20 minutes of happy hour writing this fucker. Besides, there's these two broads givin us the eye from across the bar. One of em's kind of a porker, but I'd stuff the other one. I'll let Lessy Wex have 'er, he's part gay anyhow. Still I'm gonna be balls deep tonight, good thing they're dry.
posted by Jimmy Tressel at 5:21 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you for thiss
Post a Comment
<< Home