Hey kiddies... Welcome back to this week's Tressel" World, with your host, the mighty, the handsome, the well hung – COACH JIMBO TRESSEL. Boy have we got a show for you tonight, kids. In case you missed Fox Sport's "Behind The Vest" let's take a little look at the heart that bleeds red and grey and beats under this red vest everyday for you lazy bastards. I will now answer your most likely stupid questions.
Yes go ahead, the blond in the back with thehuge cans.
" Mr. Tressel tell us about where you were born and maybe a little about your parents."
Well sweet tits, I'm not sure exactly how I was born. I came to earth in a giant egg that fell to earth and was raised by a nice black couple, George and Mam, the Popadopolus'. They taught me how to not abuse the special powers that I have from being born under a different sun. They had a daughter who kind of looked like cousin Geri from the Facts of Life (google it). I accidentally killed her with a rake. Next question, please.
No, no, I meant the other fat guy with the body like a weeble wobble. Go ahead, fat body.
"You must have some amazing stories from when you were a kid. Coach, could you share one with us?"
Well funny you should ask, you fat fucking pig. I was at my court ordered therapy session the other day and was telling the cock sucking shrink about a funny story from high school. It goes without saying that I was the quarterback of my high school football team "the Flowville Tarpons". My parents quicky replaced my first sister with another one named Marsheiqua. The rival football teams quarterback, who I will just refer to as NoDickFuckFace was porking Marsheiqua just to try to steal my playbook. Well, when Ol' Jimbo smells a skunk, it's time to TCB. I took my favorite football and bashed Marsheiqua's nose right the fuck in, who's gonna pork her now, right? Then it was time to settle the score with NoDickFuckFace. See he had a motor cycle and some people called him the Fonz, personally I always knew just what he was a short, fake Italian NoDickFuckFace. I had to chase him on horseback for a while and nearly caught up to his weak ass motorcycle. That's when the little fake guido jumped into water skiis and was all over the fucking lake. Little did he know that my home planet is completly covered with water. I jumped in and jumped up out of the water right before the fuck face tried to jump a tank filled with starving african children. so up I came out of the water , I reached up and ripped his sack right off. He fell and was devoured by the starving children. A crown was formed around the lake and I banged like tree chicks that night. Yes, that his scotum that I wear around my neck, its the original qurterback sack, fucker. Next question please.